25
Nov
07

relating: objectivity and subjectivity.

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(This is best-read with an open mind and maybe some salty snack with an ice-cold beverage … or a smoke!)

I had this article idea in my head on relating how men and women see each other, … and my respondents say it can’t be done, as long as I have personal attachment to the topic. My attachment being my interest in my current and future relationships with women in / and soon to be in my life.

[I firmly believe that you can’t not be subjective when it comes to most things (everything for me, gonzo, baby!) — and relationships can’t be different. Humble enough to hear out (and mostly block, in favor of my own beliefs) other people’s ideas, I asked a question.]

“What do men’s magazines contain?”

The usual — articles on booze, cars, video games, gadgets … and pictures of women in skimpy outfits.

“Do men think that those pictures are what’s ‘sexy’?”

Yes. (But why?)

“Does it represent what a woman’s sexuality is all about?”

No. (Says, the respondent, and I concur.)

Now I think that’s where most men (including me, yes) fail — we live in the shadow of social programming stereotypes set by cavemen. “Sexuality” is a charged word — it’s loaded with all sorts of meaning, but when asked what it is for both men and women, I couldn’t come up with a clear, concise answer. I was raised by tv, movies, and magazines to think that legs, boobs, and butts are sexy. That, in my adolescent years, cleavage lines tickle me funny, and would cause naughty peeks of adoration. (But when you think about it, it’s just a line.) And that innuendos and indecent proposals for the commodities (da sex-ay lady parts) are a step into actually getting to them is forever written off.

So what conclusion do I end up with? I find that compassion works best. Men, underneath all the testosterone are just people. So are women, underneath the social pressure of how they’re supposed to act, they’re just people.

I did mention that men fail because of not knowing the distinction, and where exactly do men fail? (And just how many questions am I raising, and how many question marks am I putting in?) Men fail with most of their relationships (at present and future) with women because we see them through cavemen-social-programming lenses.

That, they (women) are fulfillers of men’s fantasies. That, women have power over men. That, there are feminists and chauvinists, when men have power as well.

(And by this point, the respondent (two become one) says something about taking years to get this all together. Though her (uy, babae!) participation has given me a glimpse of what motivates, empowers and enlighten women. And yes, I’ve started the last three sentences and a couple more above with a conjunction.)

So what’s my final say? Be compassionate with everybody. Men and women, both are people on the inside, regardless of social programming. Spend time with the opposite gender, find out what motivates them to do what they do. Find out why they worry about something that you think is stupid. (It’s easy to dismiss something as stupid when we know nothing about it. Obviously I didn’t get the point why women fret over broken nails.) Find a way to break the social programming barrier, and you’re in touch with the real person — and isn’t that a pretty major breakthrough?

And I could be wrong. Coming from a 22-year old, someone older or wiser must’ve tried to crack this nut long before I was born, but as long as there’s someone to dispute my beliefs then I’m happy. Having gotten my beliefs challenged by the respondent has shown me that when you elicit someone’s values, that’s as good as getting in touch with the person inside, (making it subjective!) and as long as I’m alive with women like that, then I can say it’s a joy to have to live through this little idea, because that shows equal effort on both sides, making that small step to equality in women and men via person-to-person respect.

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your mind will go pi.hrudu@plurk.robopopjunk! cavefeci abditum.damit co.proudly pinoy!



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