Posts Tagged ‘santa claus

19
Dec
07

star wars = 1, christmas = 0.

santa-imperial-troopers.jpg


(and I think it’s okay this time!)

Santa arrested by Imperial Stormtroopers

SANTA’S FACTORY, North Pole (Agencies) – An Imperial Stormtrooper commando broke into Santa’s Factory on the North Pole yesterday evening, killing an undetermined number of elves, arresting the owner and confiscating his sled. Joe Kwazansky, local spokesman for the Evil Galactic Empire in Los Angeles, appeared in a press conference this morning confirming the rumors of an Imperial takeover of Christmas’ celebrations. “The Emperor wants to assure His subjects that Xmas will continue as planned. The pug-nosed fatso, however, will pay for his crimes,” Mr. Kwazansky said amid the palpable shock in the press corps. Apparently, the arrest has occurred in connection with earlier reports on the manufacturing and stealth placement of Weapons of Mass Destruction:Answering questions about the causes of this assault and Santa Claus’ detention, Mr. Kwazansky pointed out that Imperial Intelligence had undeniable proof of Santa’s production of WMDs at his factory located near the North Pole. “He is also a perv, you know,” he added, “a guy who goes around his house clad in red velvet and has underaged boys assisting him all day long. Illegal sex? Forced labor? You gotta be kidding. We have the patent on forced labor too. Ask the wookies.”

(Read the rest of the story @ gizmodo — and digg it!)

14
Dec
07

the daily life of santa.

santayih.jpg

“I’ve always preferred seeing my saints, icons, and saviors not as omniscient beings, but just average people like the rest of us. That being said, if you were Santa, had hundreds of servants doing your bidding, no boss or government telling you what to do, and had all the time in the world, I’m sure you’d end up just like this.” -Mark Velasquez

(Taken from Vox — more on his flickr! / Thanks to Ven for the link)

20
Sep
07

let’s sue santa.

*
Hey, I mean if you can sue God, (and check the senator’s image — is it just me, or is the fan positioned behind him makes it look like he has a halo?) then I think there’s a fair chance of winning against Santa, right? (Will He blog about it?) They should be at the same level as the Easter Bunny. My reason for joining in the crusade? Like Tony Bowen from the link, my interest in this case does not intersect with the goal to be accomplished; I just hate Christmas.

Mikko suggested we take the case to court. His grievance? — 15 years without presents.

They could argue, however, that they have a clause (I was tempted to skip the ‘e’) about being good for the months preceeding the holidays, in order to qualify for the compensation. My counter-argument would be the moral voyeurism that the Santa Claus company performs.


Wouldn’t keeping an absolutist list of children’s activities qualify as stalking? (Nice = gift, naughty = nil?)

Excuse me while I join in the class action suit against The Boogeyman, (mumu) Halloween is closer than Christmas.

**
Knocked Up is HILARIOUS!

***
Should Santa decide to bribe me, I’d want one of these:

revsied-cigar-crown7original-unit.jpg

Crown 7 has invented an electronic cigarette. (Pretty fancy name for a nicotine vaporizer / patch.) And claims to have the following benefits:

  • Emits a Harmless Vapor That Simulates Smoke yet Satisfies the Nicotine Urges & Cravings
  • Use Crown7 in Any Situation Where Smoking is Prohibited – Our Product is Non-Offensive
  • Rechargeable Battery for Endless Hours of Enjoyment and Smoking Pleasure
  • No Offensive Smoke… Only a Harmless Vapor is Emitted
  • Perfect Solution to Smoking in a Casino or Pool Hall – Prevents Noxious Odors by Never Creating Them
  • Sophisticated Design, Sleek Art Deco Look & Feel
  • No Residual Clothing or Room Odor… Now that’s a Real Benefit!
  • Battery Operated, Simple to Manipulate in all Situations Where Smoking Cigarettes has been Prohibited

****
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m enjoying “Gimme More” by Britney. Don’t ask.

*****
Is it just me, or is Chris Martin channeling Sting in the track “Homecoming” on Kanye’s new CD? (No wonder I like Coldplay.)

******
The latest season of Prison Break scares me — there’s no signs of Tancredi! Will she be pulling off a “Veronica?!”

*******
Excuse me while I watch Superman:Doomsday now.




your mind will go pi.hrudu@plurk.robopopjunk! cavefeci abditum.damit co.proudly pinoy!



RSS twitter.

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS yehey!news.

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

history.

April 2017
S M T W T F S
« Nov    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30